Nicole vs. Life
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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