Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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