Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize