I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
