When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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