Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
