i just made my gag reflex go away.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
