That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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