So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
