what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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