obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Randomize
