Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
