hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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