I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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