He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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