you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
