you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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