I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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