So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
