Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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