Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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