Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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