You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
