so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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