dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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