I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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