Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
