The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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