Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
