You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
People in love make me want to vomit
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
