If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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