Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
