someone threw a dead crab at me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
