Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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