Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
