I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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