do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
