it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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