I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
