Sry I called you an 8
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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