i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
