If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
