this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize