spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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