am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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