Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
