you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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