so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
