i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
