When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
