I hate all girls vehemently.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
