Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
