Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
