Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
