You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
