The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
