dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Come on in and take your pants off
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