I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
