I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
