Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
