She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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