When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
