last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
