No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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