you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
