Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
