Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
