He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
