I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
