I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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