I think I died a long time ago.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
