i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
