I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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