how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I touched a dick in church today
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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